So, I am really happy with the working that I wrote and performed for the Eclipse. I am aware that my shadow self will always be part of who I am, but there are traits that I would have eclipse certain “shadow” traits. My working involved some of that.
One aspect of myself that I have been battling, well two actually, as of late are the traits of self-doubt and apathy. I have found that I have begun to doubt my talents and abilities. This doubt also has be questioning my purpose. If that is bad enough, the sheer frustration of this has, at points, upset me to the point where I cope with Apathy (true Evil).
The other night I sat down to speak with my guides about this recent “weirdness.” I was very happy when Odin showed up to chat with me.
Odin and I have had an interesting relationship. I was never a devotee of his. I have been close to Freyja for a long time, but hadn’t really gotten to know Odin until he came to me a few months ago. When he first came to me he was VERY intense. He made it known that he had much to teach me, but that he required a serious level of commitment from me. I didn’t want to jump in without testing the waters first, so I remained very wishy washy and noncommittal. For anyone who knows Odin, you can guess how this went….. yeah……
After not hearing from him or even being able to contact him, I had begun to think that I had offended him. I do very much want to learn from him, but I do not want to devote myself to just one teacher. In previous interactions, he had made it sound like this was what was expected of me. Hence my apprehension.
Anyway, I am glad that Odin’s presence is back in my life, not as intense as before (yet), but I am better equipped to understand it and handle it. I do look forward to learning what he has to teach, if he still sees me as a worthwhile student. It would seem so……
So, has the Doubt and Apathy gone away? No, not entirely, but it has waned a bit….