I had an epiphany last night.
I have been struggling with a bout of something akin to depression recently. It has been difficult to put my finger upon. However, last night, after a powerful ritual with my Sisters, I gained insight.
The job that I am currently in, the one that supports my family and allows me more than the average number of freedoms in the workplace, does not feed my soul. My whole life, I have been working toward something. From grade school through college I found myself working to gain knowledge that would help me to move the world forward towards something better, playing my part in the bigger picture. However, the job I am currently in is not part of that bigger picture of forward momentum.
Last night I realized that I am running on a hamster wheel. Every month I work towards the same end, only to start that same revolution of tasks the next month. A self perpetuating cycle of pointlessness, and I am depressed that I have allowed myself to find the rut, and sink ever deeper into it.
This morning, the morning after the “epiphany,” signs of change kept coming up. One cannot have such a revelation and do nothing with it, and this morning, within an hour, I have seen three full references about Kangaroos. There was a magazine article in the magazine I was reading this morn, and two children’s shows back-to-back about kangaroos and their young. “What do kangaroos have to do with life paths?” you ask….. Well, let me tell you…..
Kangaroos are animals of amazing strength and agility. They are able to jump over 11 feet high and push forward with great momentum. However, they are unable to move backwards, only forward…. always forward.
Never looking back.
That is the key….
So what is next for me, you ask. I don’t rightly know, but I am quite sure that it involves some serious soul searching and meditation. I need to be sure that my next step is well timed and “led,” if you will. My sanity and the welfare of my family depends upon that.