Saying, “I love you”

Tags

communication, growing, Growth, journey, love, relationships, shamanism, spirituality, teacher, wounds

I have been in a relationship with an amazing person for a bit over a year. It is, perhaps the most healthy relationship I have ever been in. My partner is excellent at communicating, is considerate, honest, and completely real. It has been a journey of major healing for me. I have been able to confront and realize all of my major insecurities and wounds and find a way to heal them as a result of being part of this relationship.

Having a safe place to grow, heal, and communicate with another person results in serious feelings developing. In fact, I am quite certain that those feelings are Love. Having experienced this emotion before, I know the intensity and how it envelops you. How that person stays on your mind and becomes part of your consideration. How you continue to think of new ways to let them know what they mean to you. I know I love my partner, but I have never actually spoken that in my lover’s presence.

My actions, and those of my lover, tell the whole story of our true feelings. I am certain that the extent of my emotions are known, and so I wonder, “Is it really necessary to utter those words?”

There have been several times when I have nearly uttered those words. Once was during our first argument (one in nearly 14 months isn’t too shabby). I thought better of it, as I did not want to negativity surrounding my first utterance of that powerful phrase. There have been other times that I nearly said it, but chose not to.

What is holding me back? Sure, I am afraid that the sentiment will not be returned, but it is more than that. Once uttered, those words are always present. They cannot be taken back. This is also why I don’t fight like others do. I want to be sure of myself before I speak, and this stops me from speaking.

Additionally, all of those I have loved in the past have betrayed me inthe worst possible ways. So now we are back to fear. I am afraid that once spoken, as in so many cases before, the nature of our relationship will shift and I will be once again betrayed. This is the main wound that I need to heal, and it is what I am working toward. I want to be able to be willingly vulnerable again.

Continued Growth

Tags

boutique, change, dreams, magick, manifestation, occult, spiritual growth

I most certainly have HUGE breaks in my blogging, but I never stop growing in my spirituality. Often the process would be enhanced by writing and documenting the process, and I do that most often these days in my paper journals. There is something very therapeutic about putting actual ink to paper. I love the feel of forming the letters, words, and sentences with my hands.

This being said, I have been feeling called to revive the blogging process. I have said this before, and found that I had not the momentum to keep it up. I shall work to overcome the loss of momentum and reform the habit.

Personal Update

In the past many months since I have blogged, my life has changed so completely. I moved out of the house that my lover and I purchased together and began living a life that I love and that is more in alignment with who I am as a complete and whole person.

As a result of this complete shift in my life, I am now on a path to fulfill many of my life desires.

• I will be obtaining my Masters of Education in the Spring.
• I have developed ecology education curriculum which I will publishing in that timeframe as well.
• My book has received a copyright and will be published (independently) quite soon.
• And….. and this is something I have been working to manifest for, easily a decade…. – I will be opening, along with some close witchy-poo friends, an Occult Boutique where education and growth will be the purpose. (Below is a pic of the overall aesthetic we are working towards)

 

 

Great Release – Catching Up

Tags

catching up, clearing, december, greatrelease2015, silver ravenwolf

It can be difficult, after a long hiatus, to get back into the habit of writing regularly. I chose the Great Release because it is an excellent program, and also a fabulous daily prompt. Seems I have missed a few days of posting though….. (I will blame grad school finals – ha!)

Let’s do a quick recap to get us up-to-date:

The 5th: I love the 5 stick ritual. I am all about breaking negative cycles and divorcing myself from the drama right now. I feel like I am fully in sync with this year’s Release. I had already cleaned out my fridge about a week prior, so instead I cleaned out my pantry and tea shelves. I am much happier with them now!

The 6th: I did not wash the floors, but I did smudge my house. I have been gifted a great deal of sage and have made many smudge sticks from it (which will soon be in my etsy store – more details to follow). It is intense and does the job very well.

The 7th: I did nothing on this day. I was busy taking care of school, my health (I had an ugly sinus infection), and generally keeping with the Chanukkah rituals. I did clean my house a bit though……

The 8th: Again, I was laid up with Sick, and had a final project to complete. I made some healing salves. but other than that I was useless……

The 9th: Yesterday I was all a-flurry with activity. I did some house cleaning, I meditated and cleared out my house and body, I made a bunch of runes and bags…. generally I was just awesome. lol.  I stayed up well past 1am finishing projects for school and personal life.

The 10th (Today): I slept in. I gave yesterday my all, so today required a bit more self care. I did meditate, gather my bits for the craft fair tonight, and generally just took it easy. I look forward to resuming my routine tomorrow.

Great Release 2015 – Day 3 & 4

Tags

active, busy, great release, greatrelease2015, life

So…. This day was not very productive, as I am nursing a terrible cold. In fact, when I sat down to do my journey and meet with chosen totems for this project, I promptly fell asleep. Seriously. Not much journeying yesterday…..

Today, I got called into work with some of my favorite students, so I spent all day doing that, then came to the aid of a couple different friends (so peculiar the timing). To put a cherry on top of the day, I won tickets to see one of my favorite bands, Death in June, so I haven’t even been home today except to type of this quick post, throw another layer of makeup on, and change into proper attire. Tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow I will resume my efforts with vigor and commitment.

Great Release 2015 – Day 2

Tags

altar, cleaning, clearing, craft fairs, great release, greatrelease2015, letting go, magick, peace

I succeeded in completing part of the tasks mentioned on Silver Ravenwolf’s website for this day. Let me give you a bit by bit breakdown.

The meditation that I did for cord cutting had great effect. I feel so much lighter, and I can see that it has shifted my overall view of the world towards the positive, making me feel much less weighed down. I strongly recommend it, if you feel that you may have unhealthy attachments to people, places, situations, etc.

I am preparing for a magickal craft fair, so the short bursts of cleaning were good for me to do, in between projects. However. I feel like I could have gotten so much more done yesterday, had I not had several errands to run right in the middle of it.  So, there wasn’t a large amount of cleaning that was accomplished.

On the Magickal front, I did make my Peace Altar…

Back from Hiatus & The Great Release

Tags

cleansing, clearing, forward, gratitude, greatrelease2015

So…. it has been a long time since I have written here. I have been doing a great deal of writing (I wrote a short book and am working on a second), but I just have not felt called to place anything down here. Until now.

Over the course of the last year or so, I have done so much…. I am sure I will post about that as we go on, but today I am just moving forward.

The Great Release – Day 1

This year I feel called to participate in the Great Release. I have a tradition where during the final month of the Gregorian Calendar year I get rid of one full bin “stuff” each week. The Great Release fits into this tradition seamlessly.

I started the program yesterday, December 1st. On the first day I cleaned out my children’s book case and removed a bunch of books to be donated to a shelter. I know in Silver Ravenwolf’s program we throw something away each day. However, if it can be used again, I will donate it. I get rid of a great deal of stuff, but I can never put something in landfill if it can have another purpose.

This year the program calls for us to choose a totem or two for the purposes of this work. I chose Ant and Vulture. Ant seemed very obvious to me. They are excellent workers and part of a superorganism, which I feel humans could also affect if we were all aware of our connections. Vulture came to me after a bit more soul searching, however. Vulture is a carrion bird and they help us to break down what is no longer living and help compost it. That is what I want to do this season, get rid of all that is no longer serving me, and move forward.

In addition to the overall tasks of the program, I also did an extensive cord cutting ritual. I know I have held attachment to relationships that no longer serve me, so I worked to let go of all of those yesterday. After doing so, what had started as a difficult day turned completely around.

Ritual and Action

Tags

action, elder futhark, Norse, ren faire, renaissance festival, ritual, runes, scrying, spiritual, spiritual growth, spirituality, tarot, work, workings

It never ceases to amaze and impress me that when you speak with Spirit, ultimately someone is listening and taking notes. Late last year I was deciding what would be my motto or goal for 2015. I had very intensely embarked upon a year of shadow work in 2014, and so was ready for something….. less painful (though I do so love my shadow). My guides informed me that this year was to be about Ritual & Action.

I declared my intention for the year aloud and in formal ceremony, and since that time, I have found the universe keeps handing me occasion to make good on my promise. My daily practice has become renewed, and all of my day seems to have become part of a greater ritual. In addition, I have eagerly taken on a challenge that will greatly intensify my spiritual work, I am quite certain.  Beginning this weekend, I will be doing divination at a local Renaissance Festival each weekend for two months.

I have been doing divination for a very long time, but never formally, as I have so many friends that do so and I ….. well…… I don’t know. I am an intuitive reader, working in both Norse runes (Elder Futhark) and tarot. Though I do nothing in my life conventionally, I do feel that I can tap into Spirit using these means. It is now time for me to step into the world and do this more formally, as part of my practice.

One of Eleven

Tags

1, 11, coincidence, eleven, numbers, one, synchonicity

Many peculiarities have occurred for me around the number 1… or is it 11?

It began when I went to visit my family on the 1st of the January (1/1). They live in a time zone that is 2 hours behind that my parents – PST & CST. From the first day that I got there until the day I left, I kept looking at my phone at exactly 11:11, and my phone does this lovely little thing where it shows me the time of my parent’s house and my own home. So the screen displays 11:11 and 1:11. Over and over I would bring this to the attention of those around me.

Yesterday, (1/10) I attempted to board my plane and get home. However, it was not to be. They overbooked my plane and sent me on another flight, scheduled to get me home today at 1pm. 1/11 at 1. I was unable to stifle my laughter when the pilot came over the intercome and stated that we would be “arriving 11 minutes early.”

I don’t believe in coincidence. I believe in synchronicity.

Shadow Working

Tags

action, balance, ceremony, healing, ritual, shadow work

I was just reviewing this blog, and my year in posts. I see that over the course of 2014, all of my posts fit on one page, making it look as though I had forgotten about this space. I have not.

Truth is, I dedicated my year to doing Shadow Work for the whole of the 13 moon cycle. In making that declaration, I opened a huge bag of snakes. My shadow came at me head on, and I met it well.

Because Shadow Work, when done well, is so deeply personal, most of my journaling has been in my notebook. Private. Secret. Between me, myself, and I alone. My internal dialogue can often be very productive……often, er, sometimes….

Over the past 13 moon (and yes, I am aware that this cycle is not yet complete) I have released so much of what does not serve me, and have gained a balance in my life that has allowed me to progress as a person, friend, lover, mother, etc.

As this year draws to a close, I have been feeling the need to take on another commitment of the sort that I did this year. However, knowing where I was supposed to be concentrating my efforts was elusive to me. I didn’t stress about this though, as I have frankly been busy with so much in the past few weeks.

I got together with a dear friend a few days ago in order to do some energy work. As I settled in for a journey, I saw it. My guides made it plain and simple so that I would not have opportunity to misunderstand. The next cycle, for me, is going to be about Ritual and Action.

Faith Based

Tags

belief, christianity, existence, faith, G-d. understanding, Jesus, movement, path, philosophy, religion

Recently I had a conversation with a friend about the idea of “faith based religion.” She had been to a workshop where the facilitator had stated that the spiritual movement that she was teaching about was not faith based because the beings that were celebrated within the cosmology would exist regardless of whether or not she believed in them. Therefore, “faith” was not required of the adherent. This argument has so many issues, I don’t even know where to begin.

First of all, and what it all boils down to is that any spiritual system is rooted in belief. One must believe in (have faith in) whatever it is that is the cornerstone of philosophy. If it is simply a philosophy, all adherents need to believe that this philosophy will bring about a desired effect. It is not necessary for those who are not part of this path to believe as do the adherents in order for that path to be “real.”

Let’s look at a popular example – Christianity. Christians believe that this fellow named Jesus was an G-d’s son incarnated as a man on Earth in order to absolve the sins of mankind. Those who follow Jesus are certain of his existence. They are certain that it does not matter if anyone else believes in him, he exists and so those that do not believe will suffer the fate of the nonbeliever.

For any spiritual path, philosophy, or religion order to be effective, it is necessary that those following it believe in it. For transformation, growth, or understanding to take place, one has to believe in the possibility. I do not see how any movement is possible without faith.  Faith, is the key.